Three pain killers and two Lipo pills down for breakfast. Skins are on (for a trial), stuff the gloves (probably not gonna need them), filled water bottle, jacket is on (first day of autumn hey)… OMG I’m already running late! Here is another early morning Saturday.. It is 5:30am start and 6:20am rush to the east of Sydney where a bunch of other people [who cannot get any sleep on Sat morning] are pumped and ready to do some exercise work! Here I sound cliche now! Well I AM writing about fitness so I guess I would sound a little cliche here.
There is always someone who is the first one and one who is the last one. Guess which ONE I am:) Too easy, the last one of course!Those bunch of people [I mentioned earlier] who preferred to be in the park on Saturday early morning instead of sleeping in are now running up a steep hill to later on do some push ups. Sounds a little unreasonable for many people, I’d say! It’s a second day of autumn, it is drizzling, cloudy and windy… Why the heck are you guys in the park at 7am?
Now this is where MY story starts…
I’m sure I have mentioned before that I’m Russian. And no matter how stereotypical and racist it might sound but yep we [Russians] drink a lot of booze and freeze in winter. Now I suggest you go to your freezer, open the door, stick your head in and multiple this cold by 10. Here is my mother land’s caring hand 🙂 It’s freezing!!! So when this season comes (don’t forget summer is VERY hot but varies from town to town of course) you do not want to get your nose out of your house. Russians are often pretty big people. We eat, sleep and try to move as less as possible. It’s in our genetic code. BUT I’ve never liked it. Always tried to move! However every time I try to be active my genes kick in and say ‘WTF STOP IT’, making my activities “physically” hard (I put it in quotes as I’m not 100% sure if it’s physical or mental, really).
I’m a very indoor child! This is how I was brought up. This is how I think at least. Of course 2-3 months of summer is all about cycling back in Russia, playing games and running around but trust me I loved climbing up to the attic or go to the basement and pretend looking for treasures, not much of running around outdoor childhood.
And here I am in Australia, something 20 odd years after a whole life of “seeking treasures” in my parents summer house basement I am now trying to change it all around and stay positive. I want to add that staying positive is very important here. Imagine you are coming from a warm country [just like Australia] and just moved to a 360 days a year of winter country and now gotta start skiing because this is what you do there [for example, of course]. You might be a little clumsy at the beginning of your snowy journey and sometimes might even feel like F*CK IT, I AM OUT! And that’s ok too! Feel it fully! Embrace! Cry about it! Even promise everyone your quitting! And then when your done go back to the line, solider! 🙂 Here is the Positive I was talking about.
Fit Warrior is in my perception is a boot camp (oooo I really don’t like those two words but need to use them here for now) which provides obstacle racers and any other fitness enthusiasts or even fitness start ups with great environment for training! If you have never done obstacle running (and I have not yet) , it is basically running through mud, ponds and other dirty shit, also jumping over walls, climbing nets, caring sand begs, fighting other people AND helping them Adventure. To me it all looks like many guys missed out on good childhood and trying to catch up in their late 20s, 40s and even 60s. And you know what? I see it so because my treasure seeking in the basement was very protected, calm and hidden from any dangers or obstacles at all. I just sat there playing with my mind,really. Oh you can’t imagine places I go to in my mind! Sheldon would have been so jealous if only knew 🙂
And this is how I learnt that I am a massive introvert [sorry for a common jump of thoughts, it will all come together later on]! Yep I am! Whoever knows me might go “WTF? And what about all those million of friends and parties and this and that and this and that…” Well I guess I have been trying my best for many years to be an extrovert but it is time to accept that I am not. I am a writer and I love seeking treasures in my mind [bottom line, really] 🙂
BUT I am also fascinated by fitness. I have always been vigorously interested in humans brain and if only I could look at it without fainting I would have chosen a neurologist or medical path in my life [giggling]. Fitness does something amazing to humans brain! When I stated Fit Warrior training today I had to run up the hill with others and one of the trainers decided to have a conversation with me. Nothing personal mate but I wanted to murder you. After not training for 2 weeks either my lungs shrunk or this lately poisoning I had I don’t know but this hill was the hardest physical challenge in my life. However it was not 🙂 The brain was so damn scared it wanted to give up right away. It was first cardio training in weeks, of course it would be a little stressed. After the training session I wasn’t even tired much (I am on energy booster suups though so that’s why).
Remember how I was talking about belonging? Since I am an introvert and have been trying to be extrovert for a while (and this is how people see me now: bubbly blond crazy Russian) I have been figuring out which social group of all possible do I belong to. It doesn’t mean I gotta go to the tribe’s leader and ask to be accepted to the group or attend monthly meetings but I just wanted to know that I am this or I’m that.
Fitness is where I thought I wanted to belong but I don’t. No matter how much it fascinates me I do not feel the belongness (if such word even exists, if not it does now). Before that it was psychology and psychotherapy! And I still take my hat of in front of that field but I’m not a part of it either. I still devote some time of my life to research ideas and topics I am passionate about; however i never made it my tribe. This is where nutritionist idea came into my mind. Nah, hate cooking:)
So while looking for myself (or “treasures”) I sighed up for an obstacle race (which is OMG in two weeks now), met people there, wondered around, you know to feel if this is my tribe. A very exciting experience also but nah no feeling I am looking for. And this is when I realised that I am absolutely faithful to my solitude (that’s why I am already making another hour of waking in this park while writing this post lol) and do not really belong to any tribe.
Another great example is my beloved gym environment and strong physic obsession of mine. I absolutely love lifting weights and totally admiring strong people but (and again nothing personal and no one in particular) most of the times I absolutely hate the reps of this community. People are way too odd, in my opinion of course. Most of personal trainers I meet I want to run away from (as personalities, not professionals) as soon as possible. Here I am every day sweaty back to sweaty back with male and female body builders and trainers working and seem to bond and yet trying to look away and mind my own business.
Slowly though I am trying this and that tribe out again and again (maybe too slow) to test the waters but the world inside my head is just so much better 🙂 Where am I going with this you wonder!? Well, I have a feeling that there are many lonely soldiers out there looking for their tribe or not looking already anymore. Maybe none of us belong to anything. And maybe it is not so bad. I do not know the answer and not sure if anyone else is asking but me. However I’m sure (almost) that I’m not alone on this one. Therefore participating in group activities might be my treasure hunting adventure and I enjoy it with it ups and downs. I do not think I will stick with one tribe, not now at least. I choose to combine whatever I can take from here and there and maintain my own tribe inside my head. It seems to work for now.
I must say running up and down the hills today reminded me that I don’t belong to the partying-blond-bubbly-crazy-Russian tribe anymore and most importantly don’t really want. It might appear contradicting to many but I find fitness is a great tribe for solitude lovers-no matter how many group activities I take aboard, at the end of the day I will be on my own in the gym (even with all those people around) and on the running track along the ocean seeking same old treasure in my head while getting my fitness level up. And this this is where the craved desire of the feeling to belong takes place even though not for long. I guess it’s enough for me to get me going in life;)