We Are Wired To Be Polygamous But Taught To Be Monogamous

“Human divorces, on average, occur 4 years into marriage. Affairs among committed partners are estimated in 50%-80% of relationships”, accordingly. Sounds a little harsh; however how often do you hear about a friend of a friend’s affair or someone getting divorced again? Moreover, haven’t you notice it is often men who are causing yet another heart break, getting caught cheating or running away from his annoying wive. Why does it happen? How to stop another heartbreak? Maybe we are not meant to be monogamous?

I know there are many women out there who will now say “What?! What are you talking about? Of course, serious relationships are monogamous”. Fair enough! Many women (and probably I am not an exception) would not tolerate another woman in the house. “It is a rather disturbing and provoking thought” is on of the blogs opinions I discovered while researching about monogamy and polygamy. The author is a rather opinionated figure, stating “God bless these wives. Especially the first wives. I’m sure they feel cheated, intimidated, jealous, and misplaced”.

I hear you! However I am also interested to understand whether it is only feelings and emotions which forbade monogamy in Western cultures or humans are in fact not cut to live with more than one partner. How come some Eastern countries do not complain? Some might argue that the power of tradition and religion is stronger than humans’ instinct, some just find all this monogamy talk sick. Let’s find out what it actually is 🙂

Women Are Men’s Trophies 

First of all, as I mentioned earlier it is mostly men who get into sex scandals or cheat or live with multiple partners. Now, whether you like it or not, support feminism or don’t really care, men and women are NOT the same! Just like Alan and Barbara Pease say in their book “Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps” (by the way, I highly recommend you to read it if you care for men and women’s differences) both men and women must have equal opportunity, no doubt there, but sorry guys, men and women are not equal biologically or psychologically. It is not making one better than another though, do not get me wrong!

Men are evolutionary wired to desire succeeded in the ongoing reproductive competition. And let me tell you, with more sexual partners one male definitely has an advantage because if one partner falls pregnant another one can still get pregnant. Sorry ladies, it is as simple as that.

Imagine cave people hunting for food and protecting their nests (home cave or whatever it was). To start with, their life span was not as long as it is now; secondly to make sure (!) they reproduce they would need to have sex with much more than one partner. When it is so important that the entire humanity (or cavemanity, if you want) depends on reproduction, no one questions whether polygamy is ethical or heartbreaking.

However as I said earlier, as a rule men are the one who are constantly in a reproductive race. Cave women were meant to get pregnant, survive the period of carrying a child, give birth and make sure it also survived. Therefore, women would not be very sexo-social but rather focusing on getting the job done (get pregnant etc).

 Women Do Not Hunt Men 

I really hope I am not over-simplifying or offending anyone, these are simply facts, not my fluffy opinion. Additionally if it makes anyone happy, the world is not just black and white, 84.6 percent are classified as polygamous  15.1 percent as monogamous, and 0.3 percent as polyandrous.

Polyandrous basically means one female partner and many male partners. Now, females do not really need too many males to fall pregnant therefore naturally do not require more than one man, sorry ladies.

Additionally women (naturally) do not compete in acquiring more men so why to have more than one. What a waste of time and energy to be running around, chasing men 🙂

Unfortunately modern world sees polyandrous lifestyle as slutty, I believe which also almost killed the phenomena. Although naturally women do not need many men to fall pregnant, I think modern society is exactly the time to turn it upside down and make a common rule 🙂 Think about it. If a female has several male partners there are more physically stronger and perhaps richer people to support children and spoil the woman. I think this is perfect (giggling)!

So How It works?

Now, monogamy is an interesting phenomena and I will now explain why (naturally) some women would agree on having co-wives.

We often see rich and usually Muslim men with several wives. Well, it is not a coincidence. Going back to the cave people, if a man is wealthy and strong, women are better of  joining him simply because they all have a better chance of survival around “better” man. Being the only one but with a poorer and weaker man is simply unreasonable and stupid, accordingly.

Any competing man would be interested in having a bigger family so having more wives can guarantee more offspring and the continuation of the kind. At the same time, bigger family requires better living condition which poorer man won’t be able to provide hence cannot attract as many women.

I am not trying to say that all modern men should be forgiven for all the broken hearts, deal ladies. Relatively, I am not saying that all women sell their bodies and lives for money and expensive treats. I am in fact, not even going that way. I am exploring the world, learning more about it. Understanding evolution and how we arrived to where we are often makes life exciting and much easier.

I understand that we are not longer cave people. I agree that if men want to avoid wrecking their lives in our modern world they better start pursuing new mating techniques. Not all the women want to be polygamous as well as many women do not want to be monogamous.

“This sex difference in the desire for new mates doesn’t mean that men aren’t interested in long-term, committed sexual relationships; on the contrary, most men strive for such relationships and value them deeply. But it does mean that even when he is involved in such a relationship, the average man will regard opportunities to mate with new partners as being more compelling than would the average woman. And the strength of this temptation will generally be proportional to his social status, because the higher his status, the more women will be attracted to him (again, for basic evolutionary reasons), and the more opportunities he will have.” 

Source: From Darwin to Eternity, “Evolutionary moral psychology” by Michael Price, Ph.D. “The Real Reason Men Cause More Sex Scandals Than Women”, published on June 20, 2011 by Michael E. Price, Ph.D. in From Darwin to Eternity.

Interestingly, conducted in this field studies are showing that polygamous societies create large numbers of unmarried men, whose presence is correlated with increased rates of rape, theft, murder, and substance abuse. 

Ladies, let’s be honest haven’t you ever thought of “mating” with another partner especially after many years of “mating” the same one. I am more than sure that everyone at least ones had a “wild” idea of becoming a monogamous enthusiast. However Western society will never appreciate you switching from a modest polygamy citizen to a wild 60’s hipi-style monogamist. We value the institution of marriage and some of us even believe in God. Polygamy seems like a chaos for many so let’s leave it for braver humans such as Hugh Hefner and Charlie Sheen! 🙂

Annablogia: We Are Wired To Be Polygamous But Tought To Be Monogamous


5 thoughts on “We Are Wired To Be Polygamous But Taught To Be Monogamous

  1. I’m a 50 year old male from the USA. I’ve spent most of my life living with my singular romantic female partner(s). Supposedly monogamously – but the women in practice (and eventually with my grudging support) had multiple other paramours. I know this to be the norm (the spin “we’re just dating or post-break-up FWB”). Open relationships and de facto polyandrous are simply not credited by women and many men due to social stigma – even when the overlap of the duel relationships last for months or years – yet still get characterized as mere serial monogamy. It would be easy to diss me – esp by little-boy-minded men still in their teens/twenties – but the societal truth is there. My relationships have been with high-status women (paid actresses/models/sorority etc w/ degrees and above medial incomes). I know this to be true for the other end of the spectrum: “baby mamas. It is worthy of more research.

    • Hi Mark, thank you for your comment. I want to ask you something if you don’t mind. Why do you say “but the women in practice (and eventually with my grudging support) had multiple other paramours. I know this to be the norm (the spin “we’re just dating or post-break-up FWB”)”? Are you saying that women are monogamous by nature? I am very curious o hear your opinion because so far I only found a prove of men being strangers to popygamous relationship (by nature, I mean). Thank you for your time Mark

  2. Much to be admired as the article is well balanced…good points and bad.. you didn’t mention women who live together synchronising their menstrual periods…that wouldn’t help men reproduce! There are for sure differences in men an women and how they see/feel about sex. In general women need or prefer an emotional attachment and feelings in sex which might be one of the reasons we are generally less tempted to cheat.. I don’t believe men are biologically programmed to cheat due to reproduction advantages.. I Know you dint say that.. but others imply there is a biological need for men to spread their seed/.. their spreading their seed disadvantages other males who miss out.. You would think that a kind of natural selection but in truth most of the men who are rich and powerful aren’t necessarily the best looks or genes wise..
    My point is that I don’t think its biological as in to do with reproduction..its sociological and perhaps just down to the differences, in how men and women, generally, view sex, albeit that this is arguably biological!
    I think about hareems too.. most of those women will have a reduced chance of conceiving… or of having more than one or two children…. that would have been a disadvantage to her? Unless I suppose that was outweighed by the fact that they would be better cared for.. most of those women would hve had very little sex tho.. which seems a real disadvantage to me 😛
    In the past where many societies were patriarchal women had less power, status and choice, let alone opportunity.. to cheat.. traditionally it was more men than women ..
    Either way now we know that many women do cheat too.. a goodly number… someone quoted 1/3 but I couldn’t remember who or where… I do know, even though it is anecdotal, that many of the men I speak to on dating sites had their marriage end because their wife was cheating..

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