I was whinging to my boyfriend about gained extra weight after long holidays overseas. He joked, replying “shall we break up till u get your race weight back?”. It made me wonder if getting into relationship affects our scales number. Well, according to a 2012 review, people tend to gain weight as they settle into marriage and lose weight when a marriage ends. On other hand, people argue that healthy relationship motivate the participants to keep active together.
There is an opinion I keep hearing from all over the place that women (and occasionally men) “settle down” and stop looking after themselves as soon as they get into relationship. In other words, women are no longer “hunting” for men, trying to attract The One therefore spend less time in front of the mirror putting make up on, consume more starchy food and exercise less. I agree that relationship often involve more eating and drinking out snuggling on the couch rather than sweating on a treadmill or cycling in the bush. However I am not sure if relationship make ladies let their fat grow. I decided to explore the matter!
The Questions Asked
First of all, I have noticed that personally I am less organised and disciplined when in relationship. I used to be very disorganized in unhealthy relationship and I am slightly off the usual routine in healthy ones. Why does it happen? Do I become lazy when dating? IS relationship bad for you? How to fix? Should we remain single? Do we need to choose between our loved ones and ourselves, we also in love with?
The Answers Given
- Some people stop living their lives fully disintegrating in their significant other. This is when people stop doing what they used to or want to and become “We” instead of “Me”, choosing someone’s interests over their owns. For people with childhood issues or addictive personality it is especially dangerous to get hooked up or “anchored” on another person even if this person is a long-term partner. Weight gain or weight loss (in case of depression) can definitely become a case in a relationship where one is “spiritually” dependent on another one.
- On other hand, lonely people often gain weight too. I’ve noticed that food is love for many people especially lonely ones. Single does not mean lonely; however it happens. Single and lonely people often eat and drink a lot in order to replace the draining feeling of loneliness. The weight gain is not a surprise in the situation like that. I must admit I personally experienced both extremes with putting a lot of weight on while going through lonely times as well as loosing ridiculously a lot of fat focusing purely on exercising and being healthy.
- People are often lonely in relationships as well. Being compatibility is one of the gluing aspects of any relationships. However not everybody understand that they are not compatible (when it’s the case). Many people turn to food as a coping mechanism; they eat too much as a way to fill a lack of intimacy. Abusive relationships have very similar effect; however we won’t go there today.
- Yes, we cuddle and spend more time watching TV on the couch instead of sweating in the gym when dating. However healthy couples can find ways to motivate each other to stay active and healthy. They say:
I, in fact, have met a number of couples who are not only motivating each other to stay fit but take fitness challenges aboard together all the time. It is not only good for health but bonding the existing relationship stronger. In other words, making a date with a workout buddy can help you get out of bed when the alarm goes off, can help you burn more calories if you think they’re fitter than you and even, simply, make you perform better. It is especially successful if both people in a relationship are into similar training.
When you are single you are looking for love which motivates you to look after yourself better. Once in love, people often don’t feel as motivated as they felt before. Moreover, falling in love makes us feel especially not caring about our weight as much anymore. As a relationship progresses, women often less and less interested in looking hot because they often hear “I love you the way you are”. It does not mean that men should stop saying nice things to their women. Women need to decide what they want to look like and whom are they trying to impress.
Eating with someone makes you bigger. It is not entirely true; however for some couples living or eating out often involves consuming foods they wouldn’t otherwise eat. Sometimes, it causes overeating as well. Eating our also involves bigger portions, sharing foods and indulging in overeating. Although I believe that everyone chooses their habits I agree it is often hard to say no when he is putting this second delicious donut he just got for you to surprise you and make you smile. When couple are on the same dieting page, everything changes.
And everyone’s favorite “I don’t have enough time anymore” is often an excuse for people in relationships. I must admit that due to my introversion nature (or whatever the reason is) I often cut down my socialising aspect of life when in relationship. Introverted people get quickly tired of too much socialising and my extroverted partner fills my desire to communicate to the fullest. However I don’t need to communicate in order to exercise. On other contrary, I use exercising time to get away from my very social boyfriend. However many people blame their families, boyfriends, husbands and kids for having less time for keeping in shape. Fair enough! Some people cope with being too busy better than others, or I must everyone does it differently. On other hand, it sound like a lot of bullshit to me. When you really (!) want something you will eventually get it slowly or quickly getting closer and closer to whatever is desired. So called “settled down” people find their own routine or stop exercising because it is a very convenient excuse to do so.
I want to add that keeping in shape requires at least a desire to do so for starters. It will eventually need a lot of work. If getting into relationship stops someone from remaining healthy and fit than this someone probably needed an excuse to quit, from the very beginning. At the same time, I must admit I have not been doing a very good job either. I have been fairly successful on the exercising front; however keep settling down with stupid excuses when it comes to eating habits. I also believe that it is my choice; my lifestyle is most likely to blame rather than the significant other. My life is not focused on fitness, it has many other aspects and duties like most of us. I am not a personal trainer and have never been an athlete of any kind. I only spend up to 2 hours a day (maximum) of exercising which might appear a lot on its own; however I also make myself busy with almost 9 hours or work and another 4 to 5 hours of studies (of any sort) every day leaving myself with literally zero free time or rest. I am mentioning it because people might struggle with identifying the problem. Something very obvious can in fact be very wrong, the real cause can be hidden.
If you are still thinking that your boyfriend is making you fat than he is either a fantastic manipulator or you are using him as an excuse to avoid the guilt trip. Wanna ticket out? Face the truth!